Having gone through loosing my daughter 4 years ago now, I know only too well how drained and tired I felt in the early months following her death.  I felt all my energy was taken up with grief and the process of grieving.  I never felt so tired at any other point in my life before or after. As parents we can sometimes feel responsible to keep the show on the road and keep the family functioning especially if there are other children in the family.  But we are only human and can only take on so much.  Its not failure if we don’t cope too well but a natural reaction to a devastating time in our lives.
 
On a practical level do accept any help that is offered by family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues etc.  It can be a very difficult thing to do especially if you are used to being relatively organised and  self-sufficient in your day to day life.  In my own experience, people often want to help, but are not sure how little or much to do.  Don’t be afraid to tell people who offer help what exactly you do need support with  or even to ask for some space and time if that’s what you need also. 

Something so simple as going grocery shopping can be a very hard task but a necessary one to tackle in the early days following the loss of a child.  Naturally, you will meet people you know and it can be hard having well meaning people asking you how you are.  They mean well but I know in my own case it would start the floods of tears again.  And standing crying in a supermarket is something I could have done without.  Ask someone to either do the shopping for you or to come with you for support.  Its easier if you have someone with you who knows how you feel and can help with those awkward moments. Little things like make a shopping list or if possible maybe consider shopping online to make life easier.

Dropping children to school is another area where a friend or neighbour could help out for a while.  Again this was somewhere I met many other mothers and fathers and I just wasn’t able for it every morning.  I didn’t want to talk to people or to have to even say hello.  I would look wretched in the morning after a night of tears and didn’t want people to see me. A neighbour and family helped out by dropping the children to school and this was a huge help to me. Over time I felt more able to cope with this and did get back to dropping the children to school myself.  But the breathing space was invaluable.

As for the day to day household chores that need doing let other people help if they have offered.  Something so simple as cooking meals again can be difficult as there is a constant reminder you are cooking for one less person now.  I know I found this a real challenge and I was lucky that my mum cooked for us and we ate in her house.  I couldn’t face family mealtime at home, it hurt too much.  I did this for many weeks until I felt able to begin to start preparing family meals again.  Even then I couldn’t cook my child’s favourite meal and it was something like 4 months before I did.  Again a very ordinary task that became a big challenge to get back to but I did.  

FINANCIAL ISSUES

Bills will still keep coming in the door but suddenly they may seem irrelevant compared to how you feel.  Its much easier to push them to one side and not deal with them.  This is where a trusted friend or family member could again help.  Let them help you sort out what has to be paid and what can be put off.  When you are so engulfed with your own grief it can be hard to tackle money issues and to make sense of it all.  Again, it is something you may have had down to an art form before but when you are going through the grief of loosing a child your grief is uppermost in your mind and dealing with that alone is enough for anybody.

Different people will have different circumstances.  Some people will be in employment and will get paid leave at this time.  Others may have been caring for a sick child and will have been receiving a Carers Allowance or other similar benefit.  For some parents they may not be in a position to return to work immediately  and for other the Carers Allowance will cease.  This can again cause a major change in the financial circumstances of a family at a time when you could least do with it.  Just as you have to cope with grief maybe you find yourself in a worse financial position also.   Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

On the issue of Carers Allowance this benefit will cease 6 weeks following the death of a child.  If someone has been a carer this will be a big change in your circumstances.  The next step might be to consider seeking employment but this is a huge step and you may not be up to doing this at such an early stage.  Talk with you local social welfare office and your GP to ensure you are fit to return to work.  They can help you decide what is best for you.  You may qualify for some jobseekers benefit until you secure employment or your GP my certify you as unable to work just yet.

If you feel you are experiencing financial difficulties following a bereavement it is important to get help and advice as soon as you can. MABS(Money Advice and Budgeting Service) is a national free, confidential and independent service for people in debt or in danger of getting into debt. You can find details of you nearest MABS in your local telephone directory or via their website at www.mabs.ie

RETURNING TO WORK

Eventually, if you feel the time is right to go back to the workplace consider all your options.  Some people who have been a carer or out of the workplace for some time may qualify for schemes like Community Employment, Back to Work Schemes, Back to Education schemes.  Think carefully about what will be best for you.  You may want to go back to a job you are experienced in or if you feel you are lacking either the skills or the confidence maybe one of the above schemes could help.  Your local FAS office will have good information on these schemes. Contact details for your nearest FAS office will be in you local telephone directory.

Another very good source of information is your local Citizens Information Centre.  Local Centres are listed in the Golden Pages, alternatively visit their website at www.citizensinformation.ie or LoCall Citizens Information |Phone Service on 1890 777 121.

The Department of Social and Family Affairs also have very useful information on their webpage at www.welfare.ie

There is an excellent section on the citizens information website is the following which is all about benefits and entitlements following a death.
Link:www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/social-welfare/social-welfare-payments/death-related-benefits/benefits-and-entitlements-following-a-death?printpreview=1&tab=related  

BEREAVEMENT GRANT

• A Bereavement Grant is a payment based on PRSI contributions. It is payable on the death of:
• an insured person
• the spouse or partner of an insured person
• the widow or widower of an insured person
• a child under age 18, or under age 22 if in full-time education (where either parent or the person that the child normally lives with satisfies the PRSI contribution conditions)
• a contributory pensioner
• the spouse or partner of a contributory pensioner
• the qualified adult of a contributory pensioner,
• a qualified child

or

• an orphan getting Guardian's Payment (Contributory) or on the death of his or her guardian

The Bereavement Grant is a once off payment of €850 for deaths which occur on or after 6 December 2006.  This has to be applied for.

Information and forms are available from you local social welfare office or going online at www.welfare.ie and under the heading of “Bereaved”. Or by contacting he Bereavement Grant Section Tel. LoCall 1890 500 500 or Dublin 01 7043000.The Department of Social Welfare LoCall Leaflet Request Line at 1890 20 23 25 (for information booklets and application forms)

Link : http://www.welfare.ie/EN/Publications/sw47/Pages/1WhatisaBereavementGrant.aspx

LIFE INSURANCE POLICIES

A lot of life insurance policies which are standard to take out with any house mortgage can have a section where you can make a claim on your policy following the death of a child.  Again, each policy is different so check with your policy provider to see if this applies to you.

CREDIT UNIONS
If your child has a credit union account you will have to notify them of the death of you child to close the account.  On doing this most credit unions will pay out the balance in the account at the time of death and maybe more.   Again check with your local credit union for further information or visit the credit unions website which has a section on insurance of loans/savings.
Link: www.creditunion.ie/cu_ins_free

F.I.S.
If your family is on Family Income Supplement this will remain the same until you have to renew your next application. The amount does not change in the one year it is granted for.

CHILD BENEFIT
You will have to notify the Child Benefit Section following the death of a child if you are receiving Child benefit for the child. They can be contacted at:

CHILD BENEFIT SECTION, ST.OLIVER PLUNKETT ROAD, LETTERKENNY, CO. DONEGAL TEL. NO. LOCALL 1890 400 400.

SUPPLEMENTARY WELFARE

Exceptional Needs Payment - You may be paid and Exceptional Needs Payment to assist with essential, once-off expenditure in exceptional circumstances.  There is no automatic right of entitlement to an Exceptional Needs Payment.  Payment is at the discretion of the Health Service executive taking into account all your circumstances.  Depending on your circumstances, an Exceptional Needs Payment may be paid to assist with the cost of among other things funeral expenses.  
Community Welfare Services can be accessed through your local Health Centre. Telephone Numbers in your local directory under the heading of Health Service Executive.

USEFUL CONTACTS

DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL AND FAMILY AFFAIRS
www.welfare.ie  Telephone Numbers for your local branch are in the telephone directory under the heading “Department of Social and Family Affairs”.

DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WELFARE LoCall LEAFLET REQUEST LINE
1890 20 23 25 (for booklets and application forms)

CITIZENS INFORMATION CENTRE
www.citizensinformation.ie  or your local Golden Pages for your nearest Citizens Information Office. LoCall Citizens Information Phone Service on 1890 777 121

MABS (MONEY ADVICE AND BUDGETING SERVICE)
www.mabs.ie  or your local telephone directory for you nearest MABS

BEREAVEMENT GRANT
www.welfare.ie  under the heading of Bereaved. 
LoCall Bereavement Grant Section 1890 500 500 (Dublin-01 704300)

SUPPLEMENTARY WELFARE - EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS PAYMENT
Community Welfare Services can be accessed through your local Health Centre. Telephone Numbers in your local directory under the heading of Health Service Executive.

CHILD BENEFIT SECTION
Child Benefit Section
St. Oliver Plunkett Road
Letterkenny
Co Donegal
LoCall 1890 400 400

Last updated 17/02/2010. We apologise if any of the above information has changed since we have sourced it for the website.